One of the challenges I’ve encountered when moving from one place to another is finding a new circle of friends with whom to enjoy winetastings, movies, evenings out and excursions outdoors. As we get older, Harry and I find the challenge has increased, too. In the past, one automatic introduction into a group of people of similar age and interests has been parents of kids of our daughters’ acquaintance. You meet at ball games, rehearsals, PTA meetings and back-to-school nights; and the casual and frequent meetings can readily grow into closer bonds as you get to know more about each other. With our girls all grown up and out of the house, that avenue no longer exists. And, as newcomers, we enter in to a social web where virtually everyone we meet already has well-established, long-lasting friendships, and their lives may not readily accomodate a whole new tangle of “dates” and getting-to-know-you events. To that end, we take advantage of volunteering opportunities in our area, neighborhood gatherings and church events to make connections. On Friday night we attended a fundraising auction and winetasting event at our new parish, both to support a good cause and to feel less like strangers. Things didn’t seem too promising at first as I observed the easy laughter and banter between folks who obviously had known each other a long time. There were pleasant smiles directed my way, but I felt that uncomfortable twinge of not quite belonging. Once the silent auction items had been bid upon, the crowd settled at assigned tables, and the seven at our table introduced ourselves to each other. In between the auctioneers’ jests and the live bidding, we exchanged tidbits of information (how long have you been a member here, what do you do for a living, how many kids do you have, etc.). Pat Barry, sitting next to my husband, glanced several times at Harry’s name tag and finally asked if he might be related to a John Vanikiotis. (One of the blessings of having such a unique last name is that it is just that — unique — and therefore easy for others to identify/remember and make connections. It can also be a curse if one wishes to be a bit more anonymous!) It turned out that Pat was a fraternity brother of Harry’s brother at Oregon State University back in the ’70s. Pat is a few years younger than John and so didn’t know him very well, but we found he was familiar with several people we still see on a regular basis. We continued to share information and stories with Pat and his wife, Ann, throughout the evening (largely ignoring the auction going on) and really enjoyed their company. We did pause to bid on a few items, one of which was a package which included two tickets to the Oregon State-Stanford game in October. Harry, a Beaver alum, hasn’t been to a game since he left school (we lived out of state most of that time), and we decided it would be fun to go. It didn’t hurt that the OSU package was being offered at the same time as a University of Oregon game package, and the auctioneer was playing up the rivalry to boost the bids. Harry’s competitive spirit ensured that we came away with the tickets in the end, but it wasn’t until the bidding was over that we learned that the Barrys had contributed their season tickets for that game to the auction. They were excited that we had purchased the package and filled us in on where our parking pass would put us and where our seats were located. We ended the evening with an exchange of phone numbers and comments on what a small world it is. I know we all have those moments when a brief chat with a seatmate on a flight or a quick introduction at a meeting leads to the discovery of something or someone which connects us to each other. There is a glow of warmth as we find a touchpoint which makes us feel a little less anonymous or alone in the wide world we navigate. It is part of what I find writers expressing in their Mail Call letters to Global Traveler when they describe what they have learned in their travels: We are all connected, and in spite of differences in backgrounds and culture, we share that basic humanity which leads us to reach out to each other and find we are not so very different, after all. –Patty Vanikiotis, proofreader
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